“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.”
Now we all know I love re-reading books, but when it comes to re-reading my life, I still have a lot to learn.
Do you ever have just one thought stuck in your head and no matter how many times you push it away or look at it differently, you still find it coming back to haunt you? Well, that’s been me all weekend.
I’ve been a bit down in the dumps because everything in my life at the moment has been tossed up in the air and I know I don’t have enough hands to catch all the pieces. I’m trying to be positive and think that everything is happening for a reason, that all the bad needs to happen so I’ll appreciate the good and all that kind of stuff, but as much as I’m trying I still feel lost.
I keep thinking of what should be happening or I should be feeling, and I’ve come to realise how dangerous the word ‘should’ can be. Who says that since you failed that assignment you have to immediately worry about the state of your future? Who says that no one hiring you should mean you’re useless and will never get by? Who says that when you break up with someone you have to cry and eat ice-cream (though that may help) 24/7? Who came up with all this shit?
Why do we feel like we have to feel or act a certain way in a situation when it’s the opposite to everything we actually want to be doing? Letting words like ‘should’ control me is just one of the many habits I can’t seem to break. But I’m starting to realise the more I let it control me, the longer I’ll be down in the dumps, because you don’t fix a lack of motivation by getting jealous of everyone else who does your things better than you do – it’s finding the inspiration that makes you want to carry on.
Sometimes life sucks, and sometimes it sucks all at once to the point where it completely overtakes everything good. But there’s no right way out of that pit. Every bad thing is unique to you and only you can find that thing that will break you out of it.
This is a bit of a ranty, rambly, ‘spill out all my thoughts on a page’ post, but I hope you don’t mind!